Ignorance of men more dangerous to Nursing Mothers than Domestic Violence. But, no one is talking about this.
Ignorance of men, dilemma and frustration of women.
Women don’t leave their marriage because they no longer love the man or because he doesn’t have money or because he’s physically abusive. Most marriages are breaking down because of men’s deep rooted ignorance and refusal to learn or teach themselves.
I came across this tweet and was prompted to write this article to save even if it’s one more marriage or life.
“Post partum depression is just a woman mad cuz the baby is now receiving more attention than she was when she was pregnant”
And this epic sarcastic responses is just apt.
This is one of the most horrendous and ignorant thought of what post partum depression is. Unfortunately this is the mindset of majority of men who will or are husbands and partners to a woman who will or has had a baby.
If men could actually take time to educate themselves on issues that women have to go through especially during pregnancy and childbirth, issues they, men will never go through Or ever experience, life would be much easier, happier and healthier for all. Unfortunately however, men’s ego and their definition being the head of the family is a huge threat to women’s lives and society at large.
Being a mother to boys and girls, I am in direct position and authority to tell you the frustration and dilemma nursing mothers face during this period. The fact that you know your husband/partner is ‘loving and decent’ but is totally ignorant of your situation or how to support you, puts you in a dangerous position. Having to always explain your pains, tears, moods and even situations which you don’t even know about is so hard and frustrating. Would be much easier if the ‘loving husband actually took time to understand the situation and just give as much support as he can give and just be there for the spouse.
It’s hard enough to cope with your own hormonal crap swinging up and down, physical pains following pregnancy and childbirth, your own vulnerability at this time, sleepless nights, dealing with often constantly crying baby (figuring out what the problem is again, doesn’t matter how many times you’ve been there. Each baby is different and presents differently), having to cope with and remember all the hospital appointments, probably taking care of the older sibling children. Just to mention but a few. It is hard enough and so imagine how harder it is to add to to the list having to pamper and worry about the ego of the ‘loving decent partner’s who should at this time support you. And here’s the major dilemma, you are trapped between protecting the image of your partner and speaking out to get the support you need in fear of creating a scandal and or damaging the integrity of the man you love and believe loves you.
Obviously you believe he loves you because before pregnancy and birth, he’s been the best dad to your children, best partner you can have and best human being you can be around. But then, boom! The pregnancy and baby comes and he totally losses it. He has no clue what to do or how to support you. He becomes defensive, accuses you of pretending or us in him. He sees your tearing apart, sad, moody, angry, and he automatically believes you’re directing those emotions at him. He feels inadequate because he can’t give the support you need simply because he is completely ignorant of your situation and your tired of having to explain, defend, teach, convince.
It’s a vicious cycle. Each time to try to make him understand, the deeper you get into the guilty box. You feel even more inadequate yourself. You question your own self. Are you acting intentionally to stay sad? Can you bring yourself out of the mood? Is it your fault that you’re going up and down the gall? You’re even more confused and dragged right back to square one. Yet, you can’t tell anyone because you will be painting your ignorant partner with a colour he is not. You have to protect his integrity and public image and also deal with pampering his ego whilst dealing with your own situation.
Sadly, most cultures perpetuate this attitude of ignorance of men by shaming a woman for being sad at this time. Oftentimes she’s accused of having changed because she has given birth and now thinks the man can’t send her home. Or that she’s ungrateful after all that’s been bought or the celebrations going on. They have no clue and are not ready to learn or at least listen to the woman to actually understand her.
In all of this, you can’t win. You snap. You cry more, you become frustrated, angry and you know the best thing is to leave. To leave so you can protect at least your own self first, pick yourself up and then figure out how to pick everyone else. Unfortunately, most women do not have the financial strength to leave at this point. They are stuck with the cycle until either or both parties snap and are eventually forced to leave. Leave right into a more dangerous zone. But this time angrier and totally damaged.
All of these could have been avoided if the man simply took the time out to have himself educated on the issues that women deal with especially at this time and learn how to just be a good support for their beloved partner.
